Why I got a job at a Happy Ending Massage Parlour

A few months ago, I started working in a “happy ending” massage parlour in Sydney and the one thing I keep asking myself over and over is why didn’t I do this sooner? Because although you probably don’t believe me, this is the best-goddamned job I’ve ever had.

I’ve always loved sex. I can’t get enough of it in fact and when I’m not having it, I’m thinking about it. I could probably count on one hand the amount of times I’ve passed on a one-night stand. Although that last part is likely helped by the fact that I’ve never been super hung up on someone’s looks or age, as long as there’s a bit of chemistry there, I’m good to go.

For these reasons alone, working as an “erotic masseuse” is pretty much the ideal vocation for me. The fact that I waited til I was in my late twenties to take the plunge and work in the Sex Industry (I feel like I should use a ‘scary, sleazy’ font every time I write those words) speaks more to my self confidence than to a wariness about exchanging sexual services for money.

Since my mid-teens, I’ve had a fascination with sex work. It started when I saw an ad in my local paper for Lingerie Waitresses – the idea that you could be paid just for ‘being’ planted a seed in my head that germinated for 10 years, as the idea of exchanging sexual services for money became more and more of a viable option. I initially looked into the stripping/lingerie-waitress side of things because it seemed more “legit” and “not really sex work” and therefore the kind of thing that wouldn’t attract massive amounts of criticism from my peer group – something that was regrettably important to me back then. But I never ventured down that avenue of The Industry (seriously, is there a sex-industry font?) because I believed that I just didn’t have the right body for that kind of job (read: “Perfect in every way & just oozing sex appeal”). Looking back now I want to slap the early-twenties me because I absolutely had the body – I just couldn’t see it, thanks to a lifetime of heavily photo-shopped role models.

So by the time I finally (a) got the guts needed to go to an interview and (b) accepted and some days even liked my body, I was 27 years old and the place was an erotic massage parlour in Sydney’s CBD. The most difficult part was making it over the threshold into the establishment itself. I think part of me was expecting (fearing?) a dirty hole-in-the-wall kind of place that was home to the broken, washed up & exiled dregs of society who had nowhere else to go. The kind of place that would turn my stomach and send me running down the street screaming, “I’m not that kind of girl!”

But I made it through the door and all the way to reception, where I met one of the female managers and was immediately put at ease. She was well-spoken and welcoming as she invited me into the extremely kitsch venue and seated me at a bar that looked like it came straight from the set of Mad Men (well, one of those dingy all-night bars that Don Draper frequents anyway), and I found myself craving a scotch as the she and I chatted. She was frank and honest about the job without being vulgar or off-putting and before I knew it, I was giving her my shift times for the coming week. I say ‘before I knew it’ because during our conversation there was a part of me waiting for her to say The Thing. You know what I’m talking about – the sentence that perfectly sums up the moral/ethical/self preserving line you won’t cross, whatever or wherever it may be. But here I was, organising to start my first shift at 7PM that coming Saturday and The Thing hadn’t even got a look-in.

Cut to Saturday Night and there I was, full face of make up, a revealing little black dress and the only pair of heels I could find that qualified as sexy and also allowed me to walk without resembling a newborn foal. After being trained by one of the regular girls on shift (who was lovely and full of helpful tips) I was good to go.

One of the regular girls, who was lovely and full of helpful tips walked me through a whole booking; sensual massage, champagne and how to have sexy, slippery fun in the spa. After that I was good to go.

Here’s a quick rundown of a usual shift:

Reception rings a bell to signal that a guy is headed to the front desk. One of the girls lets the client in and seats him where he has a good view of all the ladies, who take turns introducing themselves and indulging in varying degrees of flirtatious banter, depending on how keen they are on him or on getting booked.

After introductions are finished, a manager goes through the different spa/massage options and their prices, which range from a 30-minute sexy massage up to a 1 hour 15 min booking in a private room. The client chooses the girl he likes and off they go.

Once in the room, the client showers while you grab their preferred drink (cheap-yet-palatable-champagne, light beer or juice). You strip off and jump in the spa together where you can drink, smoke, talk and rub your naked bodies up against each other. Unsurprisingly, a lot of clients are more inclined to stay in the spa for the majority of the booking, even though this means less massage time. Sitting in hot bubbles with your hands on a slippery, naked female while you drink and laugh is seemingly preferable to lying face down on a massage table. In these cases, the massage part of the booking cuts straight to the Happy Ending.

I’ve had clients who’ve extended a booking for hours on end and we still spent 95% of the time in the water. Other clients are like clock-work and get onto the massage table after exactly 15 minutes of spa time. There are those who spend the entire booking trying to put their hands where they shouldn’t and those who are almost afraid to put their hands on me at all.

While you can never be sure what kind of person is going to come through the door, or what they’ll be like when you’re together, the end-game remains the same – get them in, get them hard, get them off. While this crude explanation is essentially true, you quickly realise that this is only the bare bones of the job. The path you take to get them to the final stage changes with every client and figuring out how to navigate that path is all about reading the person.

Once I’m in the spa with a man, I can gauge pretty quickly what he’s after and who I need to be – a slutty minx, innocently-sexy-yet-naive, a flattering ego booster, a psychologist, or just a mate to have a laugh & a beer with. Most of the time it’s a mixture of all of these.

I’ve been so many people since I started this job – the girlfriend; the ex-girlfriend; the naive young thing who needs a man to show her the way; the mother; the vixen; the sexually enlightened; the sexually oppressed; the seductress in Satan’s service; the maiden who needs rescuing; the girl you tell about your girl; the whore; the mate; the best friend with benefits; the kink-inclined minx. Turns out I’m pretty good at all of these roles – I can be exactly who a client needs me to, because I know the final act is always the same.

Three months into this job and I’m still loving every minute of it – I actually look forward to coming to work. I’m making enough money (anywhere from $200 – $500 per shift), only work when I want to and have heaps of time to myself, which has allowed me to start studying without having to revert to the student lifestyle that I so detested in my early twenties.

In the last 9 months, this parlour (which has been active since the late eighties) has added the option of ‘full service’ (sex) to the menu. I was pretty excited when I found out it was becoming an option as it’s definitely something I’d consider, although possibly just with a few regular clients.

Also, the idea of ‘crossing to the other side’ isn’t as overwhelming in a place that doesn’t market itself as a “brothel”. A massage place like this attracts a particular kind of client after a particular type of service, so on the off chance that they are interested in taking things further, it’s usually because they already know you & are comfortable exploring something new that they wouldn’t necessarily be interested in otherwise.

With only two full-service rooms available, the business remains almost exclusively devoted to the “erotic spa & massage experience” – the “rub n tug”, the “steam n cream”, the…well, you get the idea.

10 real life skills you need to be an erotic masseuse

There are many people who believe that the gaps in the resumes of sex workers reflect holes in our skill sets – that we can’t possibly have developed life skills because we live and work in a ‘fantasy world’. But being an erotic masseuse involves the use and development of so many fundamentally important skills, it’s a wonder we haven’t taken over the world yet (…actually, has anyone double checked)? To hammer home this point, below is a select list of skills that define the career of an erotic masseuse – so whether you’re here considering entering the industry or just curious about how complex the job is, scroll down and be awestruck!

1. Empathy

I once had my psychologist friend say to me, upon telling her where I worked, “ah so basically you do my job but without clothes” and she was pretty much right. Clients don’t only come in to spend time with a naked woman, they come in for human connection – to speak to someone and feel like they are listened to and understood. Caring about people and their problems, while also remaining aloof and ensuring you don’t become overwhelmed or over-attached is #1 in the list of what makes a good masseuse.

2. The ability to talk (and to listen)

Obviously, listening is an important part of the job, but knowing when to talk is equally of value. It’s going to be pretty boring if all you can think of to talk about is “how was your day at work”? Having a sense of humour, (you will probably hear a lot of bad jokes) and finding common ground with your clients will ensure you both have a good time. Sure, sometimes trying to chat is like trying to get blood from a stone, but conversation skills are a must. Learning how to differentiate between when the silence is comfy (or sexy) and knowing when it needs to be filled makes everyday life that much easier and less awkward.

3. The ability to find beauty in everyone

Let’s face it, not every client that walks through the door is going to be young or conventionally attractive. If you’re going to complain every time you get booked by someone who isn’t a super model, it’s going to get old very quickly. As an erotic masseuse, being able to see the beauty in everyone – whether it be their smile, or their eyes or their sense of humour – is the difference between hating your life and actually enjoying and learning from work. In everyday life it means you can look at the world in a whole new way – when you realise that beauty comes in so many different forms, you can appreciate the little things that bit more.

Let’s face it, not every client that walks through the door is going to be young or conventionally attractive. If you’re going to complain every time you get booked by someone who isn’t a super model, it’s going to get old very quickly. As an erotic masseuse, being able to see the beauty in everyone – whether it be their smile, or their eyes or their sense of humour – is the difference between hating your life and actually enjoying and learning from work. In everyday life it means you can look at the world in a whole new way – when you realise that beauty comes in so many different forms, you can appreciate the little things that bit more.

4. Confidence

In almost every aspect of life, being confident is viewed favourably. One of the most important skills I have developed as a result of my time as an erotic masseuse is confidence. However, while working in the industry will undoubtedly boost your confidence ten-fold, walking through the door requires at least a little bit to begin with! The confidence that comes from the knowledge there are clients who are looking for someone just like you make you feel great, and therefore look better. This also brings me to my next point …

5. The ability to not take people’s shit.

People have always been (and unfortunately probably will always be) shit to sex workers – whether it is an entitled arsehole client or your own friends and family. The ability to let external criticism roll of your back is crucial to being a good masseuse and standing your ground on your own boundaries. There will be clients who try to manipulate you, but if you are confident (See, I told you it’s important!) enough to put your foot down, you’ll be a lot happier and safer for it.

6. Discretion

Massage parlours are a lot like Vegas. What happens there stays there (or at least it should).
Obviously this is an industry built on secrets – the ability to be discreet, not only about who (or what) you might see but also on intimate details of your own life, will get you far.

7. Self-empowerment

This is similar to not taking people’s shit and having confidence, but all the same it deserves its own point. If you are getting into sex work and feel like your happiness depends on your clients and money flow, get out of the industry. You are your own person and you need to be empowered enough to be your own source of happiness, your own source of confidence and strength. As erotic masseuses we learn to view ourselves not as the “victim of a patriarchal system which exploits women” (I’ve literally had a friend tell me I was experiencing internalised misogyny for not realising this very *fact*), but to feel empowered in that we are claiming our sexuality as our own and working the system to our benefit.

8. Time management skills

As an erotic masseuse, you will do more than just massage. Where I work, our time is also usually spent getting to know our clients in the spas. That said, no client wants to leave the place unsatisfied, and no masseuse wants to be late out of a booking. Knowing how to keep track of and organise your time once you’re on the clock is so important – and not only for erotic masseuses.

9. The ability to adapt

Being whoever you want to be is one of the highlights of this industry, but you have to remember that it’s not just about who you want to be, it’s who the clients want you to be. One of the most important skills I’ve learnt in this industry is how to be a chameleon, but still be myself. This really brings together all the other skills I’ve mentioned. Some clients will want to see a girl who is confident, others a girl who is meek. Some will want to see a girl who can hold her own in conversation, others crave the silence as an escape from their busy lives. Some will want to talk about themselves and others will only want to talk about you. Knowing how to suss this out and how to adapt self, style and conversation suitably is fundamental. At the end of the day – that’s the job. Yes, there’s massaging and wanking involved, but a lot of what we really do as erotic masseuses is become someone’s fantasy while still being ourselves.

10. Self-awareness

My final point is self-awareness. You learn a lot about yourself when you’re being someone else. One of the most fundamental things you get from being an erotic masseuse that is applicable to all aspects of life is a deeper understanding of yourself as a person and your identity. The confidence and empowerment you gain mean there is room to know the difference between an adaptation and who you really are.

I hope after reading this list you’ll agree with me when I say that you stand to gain as many, if not more, fundamental life skills from dipping your toes into the world of sex work and trying your hand at erotic massage than you do from working in a “real” job (I’d much rather be confident in myself than in MS Excel).

5 types of Erotic Massage Clients

From the point of view of a new lady at Kings Court

I’ve been working in the massage industry for about 8 months now and in that time, have come across all sorts of people. I will admit most have been lovely men with such colourful personalities, while others have been beyond terrible. Putting aside that one terrible type, most people have been great. And I don’t mean great as in polite or decent. I mean great as in open minded, able to have intelligent conversations, respectful (this is a huge bonus) and just wonderful company in general.

In the industry, I have made numerous friends and it has become a secretive code to come out of a booking and say ‘yup, he was this type’ and expect the girls to understand precisely what you’re saying, without actually saying it. Now discretion is 100% a must and all girls respect that, but its great to talk to one another about what ‘types’ we prefer and how to be around certain types.
Here is a little run down on the 5 main categories.

The ‘need a little bit of spice’

I’d say around 40% of men that walk in to get a massage fit into this category. This is basically married or committed men who are seeking a thrill or want a little passion outside their commitment. These men are generally very respectful and polite. They come in, have a shower and get in the spa, we have some insightful conversations about our lives, maybe even flirt a little while sipping on some bubbly and then they lie down for a massage, get some hand relief and simply leave after a slight peck on my cheek! I personally love this type, you know they’re going to be easygoing and you enjoy their company just as much as they enjoy yours.

The successful adventurer

This type is my absolute favorite! Basically, middle aged men that have spent their lives making money, gaining success and becoming well-reputable people in their field. They have studied, they have seen the world, and they’ve basically done everything. The only downside is that their busy lifestyles have made it impossible for them to commit to a relationship. These men have made up about 30% of bookings I’ve had. I unquestionably love hearing about the success stories of these men. I love hearing about the exciting things they’ve done and experienced and I love hearing about how they got to where they are today. In these bookings, conversations are always great and there’s always a spark.

It generally feels like ‘hanging out’ rather than doing a job.

The ‘girlfriend experience’

This is a rare occurrence but in my 8 months, about 15% of my bookings have been lonely men who are seeking the girlfriend experience. Basically, these are young men who crave affection and want some company. Most don’t even want a hand job (crazy, I know!) A lot of friends I’ve spoken to like this type just because everyone likes cuddling and everyone likes a good talk. Personally, I’m not a huge fan, simply because I’m a strange personality and affection makes me very uncomfortable, not just with clients but in my personal life too. To me, this type feels like I’m doing a job, whereas the other types are just fun. However, these men are harmless and the conversations are usually great!

The kinky one

This entails about 10% of clients, and pictures this; they want all sorts of extras. It is a great money earning opportunity if you’re keen to explore. I haven’t quite figured out how I feel about this type though. Based on my experience, some get grumpy if you’re not comfortable doing certain things. They’re very direct and sure about what they want and usually try to do anything possible to get that, so ‘no’ is a term that’s hard for them to grasp. However, if it just so happens that you’re interested in the same things, it can be quite a fun experience for both parties.

 He who shall not be named (aka, the terrible type)

Ah, the terrible type! They make up the bare minimum of customers, maybe 5% at most. This type of customer is arrogant, he thinks you’re beneath him, he will try to do everything for free and he doesn’t think of you as a person, but rather a ‘sex toy.’ This type of man is the absolute worst and every second feels like an hour. However luckily enough, Kings Court does not tolerate this type, meaning we are able to walk out of bookings if we are truly uncomfortable. Sometimes they just need to be put into place. Though other times, they’re just too sure of themselves and think nothing of you, because of where you work. I can’t stress this enough, DON’T be this person!

So there you have it, which type of customer are you? And ladies, which type would you prefer?